My Call to Ministry

In an attempt to side-track discussion for the umpteenth time tonight in Confirmation Class, I was asked, "Are any of your brothers or sisters in the ministry?" Followed by, "Are your parents pastors?" Followed by, "Why did you become a pastor?" As much as this is a valid conversation, at this particular point in the evenings - after fielding a myriad of other questions - enough was enough. So, I promised the students I would post my "call to ministry" on the blog. So, here it is:

I was a “churched” kid growing up in the sense I was in attendance at Sunday School and Worship every Sunday (give or take), youth group and VBS – and even though I never had a say in the matter, I never terribly detested my involvement. I can vividly recall my first reception (perhaps, vision) of my call to ministry. It was at the age of 14 when I was in a regular, run-of-the-mill church service. The hymn “Pass It On” was being sung and I remember feeling – not necessarily hearing – God speak to me that I needed to be a pastor and really push people to “pass it on” (at the time, however, what I had to ‘pass on’ was NOT really worth passing on! Plus I felt my own delusions were just convoluted moreso by a song that I really liked...). I saw the image of me baptizing people! I remember exploding on the inside, “NO! NEVER!!!” and it wasn’t because I thought myself unworthy or a great sinner – which perhaps should have been my response. I thought, “There’s no money to be had being a baptizer!” (I was also very clear on the fact that women weren’t preachers or significant church leaders.)

The next years passed quickly with high school activities coming and going with varying degrees of importance. As my college years passed, God’s call was silenced. I’d finally won! But, it was here, at a university church, I was able to experience a whole new God from what I had known as a child and adolescent. My faith was able to grow by leaps and bounds – a combination of the church environment, as well as, my friendship circle and academic pursuits at DePauw. I didn’t listen to God’s call until I was a senior. Then, in my senior year a conflict developed between the Dean of the Chapel (also the Associate Pastor at the local United Methodist Church) and the Senior Pastor of the local UMC. This was the church I’d attended throughout college and I was determined to “fix” these two grown men’s issues. In the process, both of them, on separate occasion, asked me if I’d ever considered ministry. I laughed and replied, “No. I can’t because I’m a woman.” (Oh, to have grown up in such a misunderstood Pauline household!) After this, I could no longer rebel against God. The call became louder and louder. I remember one particular night when the call was so strong I could not sleep. I paced the floor and typed up various thoughts that were in my head (it’s how I journal) including, “I will not serve like that. I will not serve. Can I not be a good church member and serve that way? I will not submit to the authority of a bishop.” After that night, once I finally went back to bed, I had to explain to my roommates what I was doing up in the middle of the night like that (we weren’t your typical partying-type college kids) and in that process, I realized that I could be a pastor; that I could be ‘good at it’; and that I was ready to accept God’s call! The next several months consisted of reading, studying, writing and working through the early stages of the Candidacy Process in The United Methodist Church. In that time, I began to turn a complete one-eighty from everything I’d been taught growing up and the value system instilled in me by my family was completely put into question.

So, there is the beginning...